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Velvetbird, golden cage.

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Back and writing a long post about it. [9/27/08♥04:39 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[ |My new house!]
[feeling |calm]
[hearing |Smashing pumpkins]

Well. I'm back. :waves: I had my internet amputated when I moved back to newcastle but I'm connected again. Sorry, i had no idea it would take so long.

I'm doing ok on the life-in-general scale. I'm a student again, looking forward to getting back to work in the painting studio. Living with 3 shithead drama bimbos but liking the people on my course. No money but I never did have so that's ok.
Not sure about the ED situation, however. I wavered, then went back to restricting but I'm not seeing the results I want. I didnt bring my scales up with me so I'm judging with the mirror and my dress-size.
(Psst, boobs, go away, dont you know you're not wanted here?)
On the other hand I plan to sign up with the campus councellor. Who was reassuringly useless last time but I can then kid myself I'm keeping myself sane and being proactive.
I'm exercising more, which is good, I suppose. Booze is, as ever, my downfall. I could live without solids but I find it hard to go for long without the reality-buffer of vodka.

I also have a cold, which raises the metabolism. So I'm perversely happy about my throat feeling like sandpaper. I was alone in the house for over a month, which was great but, I suspect, a premonition of my future. I've split up with my BF and decided I like being single. Not just single, I like being alone and I'm not going to worry about that anymore. I'm rubbish at sex and romance and I'm too easilly annoyed to share a living space. So I'm going to be an independant woman and a defiant spinster. It's such a relief!

I'm going to steam some veg now and feel guilty about putting some pesto on it. ^_^


A good day for bad underwear [5/20/08♥07:23 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[hearing |rob zombie]

Possibly triggering, as ever.

Shhh. I'm hiding. [5/9/08♥05:17 pm]
[feeling |xp]
[hearing |marcy playground]

Okay, for once I am not desperately optimistic. I admit I am not happy.
I feel very strongly at the moment. Dont know what I feel, but it's not good.
I havent been restricting so much lately. I dont know why. I don't like eating. 
I'm tense because I can't exercise because I hurt my knee. I've run out of my SSRIs so now I'll have to go cold turkey till Monday.
I just ate and this feeling is intolearble.
Physically, I feel wrong, too. I'm covered in burning ecxema and I'm allergic to the sun so I can't go out without dressing like a beekeeper or something. My hayfever is bad, too. Fuck this shit, seriously.

I'm thinking I'm going to restrict like fuck from now on. I want to see more of my hipbones and less of my thighs by this time next week. But! I have to cook tempura and konnyaku noodles for my family tomorrow. Yes. Tempura. Deep-fried. In Oil. Oh dear.
But at least konnyaku have almost 0 calories. I dont know how, but the internet says so, so it must be true.


she's still here [5/3/08♥04:06 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[hearing |some hardcore metal stuf]

 Motherfucker. I just typed an entry and my browser spazzed out and tossed it away. I hate you, Vista.
Yes, I've been neglecting LJ. Sorry folks. I have been feeling unsucessful in my restricting and I did'nt have the nerve to show my face here. 

Anyway...Yeah. I had my  (UK) size 6 trousers on yesterday. They looked rubbish but they virtually fit. I'm wearing a size 6 vest now. So how come I'm still a D cup? That seems unfair. Still, it's easier to restrict when I feel I'm seeing results.

Oh, UK folks, here's a tip: Waitrose do some very lo-cal chinese ready meals. Much better than their healthy choice diet ready meals. And my mum thinks I'm eating normally if I get a ready meal out of the freezer. 
In which I talk about my non-existant love life. As usual.Collapse )

I'll try to catch up on you lovely lovely LJ peoples' lives later on.


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